quote Posted by chris on Nov 22nd, 2013
Larry David: I started to eat very healthy foods and [my ex-wife] just hated that. Hated it.
Conan O’Brien: Why did she hate it if you ate healthy foods?
Larry David: You know, I suspect she wanted me to die.
— Larry David & Conan O’Brien
After several days of unhealthy eating, I plead with Daisy, “No more burgers.” She agrees.
That night, she drags me to a hot dog restaurant. They have every type of hot dog you’d want. The vegetables are battered and fried (or for the health-conscious, fried without batter.) And I order the healthiest thing in sight: a burger. Made of pork belly.
Posted by chris on Jun 15th, 2013
She knows me so well.
Daisy surprised me with chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels.
She intends for us to snack on them during a flight. In. The. Future. 32 hours away. 32 hours of pretezel-less hell. 32 hours of tortuous challenege. Of pointless denial. Of staring game.
SHE DOESN’T KNOW ME AT ALL.
[Update, 12 hours before departure:] Yeah. All gone.
Posted by Jill on Apr 9th, 2013
Or rather, when your friend gives you a paper bag and takes you to her neighbor’s lemon tree, you make the most delicious Arnold Palmers on the face of the earth.
Posted by chris on Dec 7th, 2012
Daisy’s plate of Lobster Mac and Cheese from Montrio Bistro in Monterey, CA
Posted by chris on Dec 6th, 2012
- Daisy: I wonder if this week old duck is still okay
- Chris: Could be pushing it
- Daisy: Eh. The microwave will kill the germs
- Chris: I’m eating oatmeal with brown sugar and apples
- Daisy: I’m eating future food poisoning!
Not surprisingly, this is a girl who told me last week, “I like living life on the edge… of the toilet.”
Posted by chris on Nov 26th, 2012
- Alienman: I’ve lost 15 lbs since you left Portland.
- Alienman: How to lose weight: step one, get Chris Rhee out of town
Posted by chris on Nov 22nd, 2012
Full photo gallery of Thanksgiving with Jill & Oj →
- Jill: Thanksgiving plans? I ordered enough turkey for 5 people so… help
- Chris: I’m in!
- Jill: I’m making Rachael Ray’s crab mac and cheese. YOLO
- Chris: You had me at Rachael Ray. Then again at crab mac and cheese. I passed out instantly after YOLO.
Posted by chris on Oct 1st, 2012
- Victoria: does eating homemade salsa count as a serving of vegetables? I’m going to say that it does.
- Chris: As everyone knows, the tomato is a fruit. Denied!
- Victoria: hmph. the peppers don’t count? I use a LOT of peppers.
- Chris: As everyone knows, botanically speaking, peppers are a fruit.
- Victoria: I think I hate you.
I’m aware that anyone who says “botanically speaking” is an ass-hat. In my defense, I’m only an ass-hat to Victoria. And don’t believe anyone who comments here saying that I’m an ass-hat to them. That’s just Victoria commenting under the name of someone I know in real life who I’m totally not an ass-hat to in any way, shape or form.
quote Posted by Jill on Aug 21st, 2012
I know plenty of words, thank you very much. I just [swear] to heighten my already passionate feelings. It’s like the MSG of language.
—Chrissy Teigen, discussing her recipe for brick chicken.
Posted by chris on Aug 18th, 2012
This morning, I’m on a mission.
The previous night, I set an alarm on my laptop to give myself ample time to prep for a meeting. But the alarm isn’t the boss of me — I wake up well before it goes off. My biological clock is bigger than yours.
I’m in the zone: A serious man, ready for serious business.
At a nearby coffee shop, I get a large cup. These are serious times. 8oz cups don’t pay the bills. 8oz cups are for laggards on vacation. 8oz cups are causing the collapse of capitalism. I get the large.
After thorough investigation, the best table for conducting serious work is selected. I open my laptop. Sparing no second — As if it senses the seriousness of the situation, the screen lights up instantly.
Then the alarm goes off. The one I forgot to disable. FutureSex/LoveSounds plays. At max volume. The music floods through the coffee shop, for what feels like a lifetime.