Posted by Jill on Apr 9th, 2013
Or rather, when your friend gives you a paper bag and takes you to her neighbor’s lemon tree, you make the most delicious Arnold Palmers on the face of the earth.
Posted by chris on Dec 7th, 2012
Daisy’s plate of Lobster Mac and Cheese from Montrio Bistro in Monterey, CA
Posted by chris on Dec 6th, 2012
- Daisy: I wonder if this week old duck is still okay
- Chris: Could be pushing it
- Daisy: Eh. The microwave will kill the germs
- Chris: I’m eating oatmeal with brown sugar and apples
- Daisy: I’m eating future food poisoning!
Not surprisingly, this is a girl who told me last week, “I like living life on the edge… of the toilet.”
Posted by chris on Nov 26th, 2012
- Alienman: I’ve lost 15 lbs since you left Portland.
- Alienman: How to lose weight: step one, get Chris Rhee out of town
Posted by chris on Nov 22nd, 2012
- Jill: Thanksgiving plans? I ordered enough turkey for 5 people so… help
- Chris: I’m in!
- Jill: I’m making Rachael Ray’s crab mac and cheese. YOLO
- Chris: You had me at Rachael Ray. Then again at crab mac and cheese. I passed out instantly after YOLO.
Posted by chris on Oct 1st, 2012
- Victoria: does eating homemade salsa count as a serving of vegetables? I’m going to say that it does.
- Chris: As everyone knows, the tomato is a fruit. Denied!
- Victoria: hmph. the peppers don’t count? I use a LOT of peppers.
- Chris: As everyone knows, botanically speaking, peppers are a fruit.
- Victoria: I think I hate you.
I’m aware that anyone who says “botanically speaking” is an ass-hat. In my defense, I’m only an ass-hat to Victoria. And don’t believe anyone who comments here saying that I’m an ass-hat to them. That’s just Victoria commenting under the name of someone I know in real life who I’m totally not an ass-hat to in any way, shape or form.
Posted by chris on Aug 18th, 2012
This morning, I’m on a mission.
The previous night, I set an alarm on my laptop to give myself ample time to prep for a meeting. But the alarm isn’t the boss of me — I wake up well before it goes off. My biological clock is bigger than yours.
I’m in the zone: A serious man, ready for serious business.
At a nearby coffee shop, I get a large cup. These are serious times. 8oz cups don’t pay the bills. 8oz cups are for laggards on vacation. 8oz cups are causing the collapse of capitalism. I get the large.
After thorough investigation, the best table for conducting serious work is selected. I open my laptop. Sparing no second — As if it senses the seriousness of the situation, the screen lights up instantly.
Then the alarm goes off. The one I forgot to disable. FutureSex/LoveSounds plays. At max volume. The music floods through the coffee shop, for what feels like a lifetime.
Posted by chris on Oct 4th, 2011
- Saige: Just out of the oven. Apple pie made by Yours Truly.
- Will: Clearly that heart is for me. I want some!
- Saige: Of course.
- Chris: The heart is for Will. The rest is for me.
Posted by chris on Sep 26th, 2011
- Alienman: i think your appetite and mine are totally out of sync today
- Alienman: so go eat something and check back in a few hours
- Chris: I’ll just stay at home. Alone. With no one to love me.
- Chris: Eating a cold sandwich over the sink.
- Alienman: yea, do that
- Alienman: and i’ll happily picture how pitiful you look
- Chris: I didn’t mention anything about being pitiful. I’ll be rocking out.
Posted by chris on May 17th, 2011
Around midnight on Twitter…
- Dorinda: Holy god. This herbed, butter-roasted chicken would make anorexic vegetarians say, “Well, just for tonight.”
- Will: that sounds like it might be pretty good.
- Dorinda: @Will: Hey, uh… chicken?
- Chris: [butting in] What’s a man gotta do to get a damn chicken invite?
- Dorinda: Well, muh’fuqqr, the squeaky complainer gets the lube. Or something. Whatevs. Come over.
- Chris: I will only eat chickens that were cooked with me in mind. Second-hand chicken? Who you thank this is?
- Dorinda: Oh, believe me, when I’m trussing this chicken and shoving it into a hot, confined oven, I’m thinking of you.
Posted by chris on Feb 2nd, 2011
My friend Brian picks me up from the airport. Once I get in the car, he says:
- Brian: Want to get some food?
- Chris: Yeah. What were you thinking?
- Brian: Quantity.
Posted by chris on Jan 11th, 2011
The other night, I got a call from my friend Corey, inviting me to Will’s to join them and “cook a bunch of awesome shit.” So Corey, Courtenay and I walked over to Will’s and we cooked a bunch of awesome shit.
For those who aren’t familiar with the official definition, “awesome shit” refers to: wild Alaskan king salmon, shrimp and the not pictured: kale, asparagus, mashed potatoes, lamb and artichoke pesto.
Posted by chris on Nov 4th, 2010
word knowledge. Don’t let this happen to you or your loved ones.
- Tim: today’s lunch: turkey chili and maybe a fried egg along with it.
- Justin: interesting combo. Is that common?
- Justin: That’s not something I’ve heard before.
- Zack: i do it all the time
- Zack: for breakfast mostly
- Zack: dunno where I learned it.
- Chris: i’ve done it
- Will: ive put egg in chili
- Justin: I’m calling my mom and asking why she deprived me of this all those years.
Posted by chris on Nov 3rd, 2010