Posted by chris on Oct 1st, 2012
- Victoria: does eating homemade salsa count as a serving of vegetables? I’m going to say that it does.
- Chris: As everyone knows, the tomato is a fruit. Denied!
- Victoria: hmph. the peppers don’t count? I use a LOT of peppers.
- Chris: As everyone knows, botanically speaking, peppers are a fruit.
- Victoria: I think I hate you.
I’m aware that anyone who says “botanically speaking” is an ass-hat. In my defense, I’m only an ass-hat to Victoria. And don’t believe anyone who comments here saying that I’m an ass-hat to them. That’s just Victoria commenting under the name of someone I know in real life who I’m totally not an ass-hat to in any way, shape or form.
quote Posted by Jill on Aug 21st, 2012
I know plenty of words, thank you very much. I just [swear] to heighten my already passionate feelings. It’s like the MSG of language.
—Chrissy Teigen, discussing her recipe for brick chicken.
Posted by chris on Aug 18th, 2012
This morning, I’m on a mission.
The previous night, I set an alarm on my laptop to give myself ample time to prep for a meeting. But the alarm isn’t the boss of me — I wake up well before it goes off. My biological clock is bigger than yours.
I’m in the zone: A serious man, ready for serious business.
At a nearby coffee shop, I get a large cup. These are serious times. 8oz cups don’t pay the bills. 8oz cups are for laggards on vacation. 8oz cups are causing the collapse of capitalism. I get the large.
After thorough investigation, the best table for conducting serious work is selected. I open my laptop. Sparing no second — As if it senses the seriousness of the situation, the screen lights up instantly.
Then the alarm goes off. The one I forgot to disable. FutureSex/LoveSounds plays. At max volume. The music floods through the coffee shop, for what feels like a lifetime.
Posted by chris on Dec 15th, 2011
Raspberry Lemon Poppy Seed Cupcake from Crema in southeast Portland, Oregon
December 15 — Happy National Cupcake Day!
I began my morning determined to spread the excitement, wonder and joy that is National Cupcake Day. Anyone who knows me well can attest, I am always and forever an engine of sharing delight… (Shut up, Anyone-who-knows-me-well.)
So I forwarded a link to Tatyana, informing her of our beloved and cherished national holiday. I sat back, satisfied, anticipating a sweet response to my sweet gesture of a sweet link…
Now, Tatyana is a known vegetarian. And I was quickly reprimanded for daring to send her a link that contained (among other cupcake photos) a photo of a honey-baked ham cupcake. “What a shameless disrespect!” she contemptuously castigated — yes, castigated — from her high gift horse on a throne.
Well, this meat-free, mea culpa cupcake photo & post is dedicated to her royal high(maintenance)ness. HAPPY fucking national cupcake day NOW?!
Done
Previously on Cut & Taste
Posted by chris on Oct 4th, 2011
- Saige: Just out of the oven. Apple pie made by Yours Truly.
- Will: Clearly that heart is for me. I want some!
- Saige: Of course.
- Chris: The heart is for Will. The rest is for me.
Posted by chris on Sep 26th, 2011
- Alienman: i think your appetite and mine are totally out of sync today
- Alienman: so go eat something and check back in a few hours
- Chris: I’ll just stay at home. Alone. With no one to love me.
- Chris: Eating a cold sandwich over the sink.
- Alienman: yea, do that
- Alienman: and i’ll happily picture how pitiful you look
- Chris: I didn’t mention anything about being pitiful. I’ll be rocking out.
quote Posted by chris on Sep 14th, 2011
If I could eat in my sleep, I would.
—Brian, who always has the best quotables.
Posted by chris on Sep 13th, 2011
Not pictured: All the cookies I ate.
