Fruit or Vegetable

Posted by chris on Oct 1st, 2012 1 comment

  • Victoria: does eating homemade salsa count as a serving of vegetables? I’m going to say that it does.
  • Chris: As everyone knows, the tomato is a fruit. Denied!
  • Victoria: hmph. the peppers don’t count? I use a LOT of peppers.
  • Chris: As everyone knows, botanically speaking, peppers are a fruit.
  • Victoria: I think I hate you.

I’m aware that anyone who says “botanically speaking” is an ass-hat. In my defense, I’m only an ass-hat to Victoria. And don’t believe anyone who comments here saying that I’m an ass-hat to them. That’s just Victoria commenting under the name of someone I know in real life who I’m totally not an ass-hat to in any way, shape or form.

quote Posted by Jill on Aug 21st, 2012 add a comment

I know plenty of words, thank you very much. I just [swear] to heighten my already passionate feelings. It’s like the MSG of language.

—Chrissy Teigen, discussing her recipe for brick chicken.



Posted by chris on Aug 18th, 2012 add a comment

This morning, I’m on a mission.

The previous night, I set an alarm on my laptop to give myself ample time to prep for a meeting. But the alarm isn’t the boss of me — I wake up well before it goes off. My biological clock is bigger than yours.

I’m in the zone: A serious man, ready for serious business.

At a nearby coffee shop, I get a large cup. These are serious times. 8oz cups don’t pay the bills. 8oz cups are for laggards on vacation. 8oz cups are causing the collapse of capitalism. I get the large.

After thorough investigation, the best table for conducting serious work is selected. I open my laptop. Sparing no second — As if it senses the seriousness of the situation, the screen lights up instantly.

Then the alarm goes off. The one I forgot to disable. FutureSex/LoveSounds plays. At max volume. The music floods through the coffee shop, for what feels like a lifetime.

before & after

National Cupcake Day Edition

Posted by chris on Dec 15th, 2011 4 comments

Raspberry Lemon Poppy Seed Cupcake from Crema in southeast Portland, Oregon

December 15 — Happy National Cupcake Day!

I began my morning determined to spread the excitement, wonder and joy that is National Cupcake Day. Anyone who knows me well can attest, I am always and forever an engine of sharing delight… (Shut up, Anyone-who-knows-me-well.)

So I forwarded a link to Tatyana, informing her of our beloved and cherished national holiday. I sat back, satisfied, anticipating a sweet response to my sweet gesture of a sweet link…

Now, Tatyana is a known vegetarian. And I was quickly reprimanded for daring to send her a link that contained (among other cupcake photos) a photo of a honey-baked ham cupcake. “What a shameless disrespect!” she contemptuously castigated — yes, castigated — from her high gift horse on a throne.

Well, this meat-free, mea culpa cupcake photo & post is dedicated to her royal high(maintenance)ness. HAPPY fucking national cupcake day NOW?!


Previously on Cut & Taste


A hearty pie

Posted by chris on Oct 4th, 2011 add a comment

  • Saige: Just out of the oven. Apple pie made by Yours Truly.
  • Will: Clearly that heart is for me. I want some!
  • Saige: Of course.
  • Chris: The heart is for Will. The rest is for me.


Po’ boy blues

Posted by chris on Sep 26th, 2011 1 comment

  • Alienman: i think your appetite and mine are totally out of sync today
  • Alienman: so go eat something and check back in a few hours
  • Chris: I’ll just stay at home. Alone. With no one to love me.
  • Chris: Eating a cold sandwich over the sink.
  • Alienman: yea, do that
  • Alienman: and i’ll happily picture how pitiful you look
  • Chris: I didn’t mention anything about being pitiful. I’ll be rocking out.

quote Posted by chris on Sep 14th, 2011 add a comment

If I could eat in my sleep, I would.

—Brian, who always has the best quotables.


Left overs

Posted by chris on Sep 13th, 2011 2 comments

Not pictured: All the cookies I ate.