• Dorinda: Holy god. This herbed, butter-roasted chicken would make anorexic vegetarians say, “Well, just for tonight.”
• Will: that sounds like it might be pretty good.
• Dorinda: @Will: Hey, uh… chicken?
• Chris: [butting in] What’s a man gotta do to get a damn chicken invite?
• Dorinda: Well, muh’fuqqr, the squeaky complainer gets the lube. Or something. Whatevs. Come over.
• Chris: I will only eat chickens that were cooked with me in mind. Second-hand chicken? Who you thank this is?
• Dorinda: Oh, believe me, when I’m trussing this chicken and shoving it into a hot, confined oven, I’m thinking of you.

And when you do, you’ll beat yourself over the head for all those times you didn’t stuff your face with ice cream. For all those times you said “no thanks” when the waiter asked if you had any room left for dessert. For all the scrambled eggs you made without cheese. For all the corn you ate without a nice coat of butter.

God, I just want a McFlurry!

1. All-natural rib-eye. Sauteed with lightly crushed garlic & whole rosemary sprigs. Basted with butter.
2. Organic baby carrots. Roasted. Caramelized with butter and maple syrup.
3. Organic potatoes. Minced garlic, rosemary, olive oil & butter.

After eating a lot of vegetarian dishes the past few weeks, I thought I’d reintroduce some steak into my life.

It’s the first time I ever “finished” off a steak with butter in the pan. It definitely brings out some extra flavor from the meat. I suggest you give it a try, if you feel like you’re not getting enough fat in your diet. Just throw some butter into the pan during the last 2 minutes of cooking. Then continuously spoon the melted butter on top of the steak to baste it.

• Kashi GOLEAN crunchy chocolate peanut bar
• mix 1 tangerine protein & antioxidant drink
• Organic sliced apples from Trader Joe’s

Now that we got that out the way…

• Shrimp with cocktail sauce from Whole Foods. I ate it while cooking dinner, forgetting for the thousandth time that Annie doesn’t like shrimp (Who doesn’t like shrimp?! Nobody, that’s who.)
• All natural rib-eye steak (lots of marbling!), pan-fried with butter and chopped garlic, seasoned with truffle salt & black pepper
• Sauteed & broiled organic russet potatoes with extra virgin olive oil, butter, rosemary, garlic, Lawry’s seasoning salt and black pepper
• Sauteed organic California-grown green beans, wrapped in prosciutto
• Sauteed organic asparagus, wrapped in bacon
• 337 2006 Cabernet Sauvignon

In my defense

As you can see above, I ate sliced apples, a protein+fiber bar and a protein+antioxidant drink before cooking. What you don’t see, is that Annie had two espresso chocolate chip cookies and garlic+herb baked veggie chips before dinner. [Brushes dirt off his shoulder.]

It’s late. I’m thirsty. There’s only water, so depressingly different from a nice cold coke I’m craving.

Looking into the pantry, I spot a near empty box of tea. I’ll make iced tea! Ten minutes later, I find myself holding a glass of iced earl gray looking around frantically for half and half, milk, or creamer. No such luck.

But then, it occurs to me that I do indeed have a type of creamy and smooth substance that has the ability to soften a sharp flavor without dulling it- butter! And so, I put a spoonful of butter into my tea and mixed it in as I imagine Paula Deen would. And it was disgusting.