quote Posted by chris on Oct 7th, 2015
Customer: Do you have kale?
Employee: We only have organic kale.
— Overheard at the grocery store. Yes, I’m in Portland.
before & after
National Cupcake Day Edition
Posted by chris on Dec 15th, 2011 4 comments
Raspberry Lemon Poppy Seed Cupcake from Crema in southeast Portland, Oregon
December 15 — Happy National Cupcake Day!
I began my morning determined to spread the excitement, wonder and joy that is National Cupcake Day. Anyone who knows me well can attest, I am always and forever an engine of sharing delight… (Shut up, Anyone-who-knows-me-well.)
So I forwarded a link to Tatyana, informing her of our beloved and cherished national holiday. I sat back, satisfied, anticipating a sweet response to my sweet gesture of a sweet link…
Now, Tatyana is a known vegetarian. And I was quickly reprimanded for daring to send her a link that contained (among other cupcake photos) a photo of a honey-baked ham cupcake. “What a shameless disrespect!” she contemptuously castigated — yes, castigated — from her high gift horse on a throne.
Well, this meat-free, mea culpa cupcake photo & post is dedicated to her royal high(maintenance)ness. HAPPY fucking national cupcake day NOW?!
Done
Previously on Cut & Taste
before & after
Dark Chocolate Cherry Cupcake
Posted by chris on Jul 19th, 2011 1 comment
From Crema in southeast Portland, Oregon
Not pictured: tiny half-bite-size shortbread cookies from Alienman, who enjoys subtle dessert flavors that feature hints of sugar notes. I don’t play that shit. When you do as many desserts as I do, you quickly build up a tolerance. Only the darkest, boldest, raw and uncut confections will bring about the satisfaction that you crave.
But I will give her props. Last night, we got caked up at Cassidy’s with a flourless chocolate cake topped with mint ice cream. And a side of strawberry crème brûlée… You heard me.
Done
before & after
Red Velvet Cupcake
Posted by chris on Jun 7th, 2011 add a comment
From Crema in southeast Portland, Oregon
A productive day: healthy lunch, 3 cups of french press coffee, red velvet cupcake and some design work from Crema Bakery with the company of Alienman & Zachary. Shout out to Amanda, who joined us for lunch, but bailed back to the office before the caffeine & sugar overload. What a healthy, responsible, professional, modern working woman chump.
Done
Previously on Cut & Taste
- Keep Portland Weird — A review of Crema, from my first visit to Portland
- A Piece of Cake — A short & sweet dessert dilemma
review
The other office
Posted by chris on Feb 23rd, 2011 2 comments
Working at Cloud Seven Cafe in northwest Portland, OR (again)
My buddy Will just told me he spent $400 at Cloud Seven Cafe last year, according to his accounting at Mint. (It should be noted that Cloud Seven didn’t even exist until July 2010.) I’ve had the good sense to always pay with cash so I can live in blissful, untracked ignorance. I’m off the grid, baby.
Considering I’m there with him all the time, I don’t know if I should be more worried about the amount of money I’m spending or the amount of caffeine I’m consuming. Obviously at the end of this road is a bleak future as a penniless junkie who wanders the streets, disheveled and in disarray, holding a coffee mug that’s long been fused to my shaking fingers.
So anyway, they make good coffee.
miscellaneous
Pumpkins are full of nutrients. We’ve replaced them with sugar.
Posted by chris on Nov 3rd, 2010 add a comment
Pumpkin cupcake for breakfast from Pearl Bakery in Portland, OR.
miscellaneous
Donut shop + Photo booth + 2:00AM = Recipe for disaster
Posted by chris on Oct 28th, 2010 2 comments
From Voodoo Donuts in Portland, Oregon
from twitter Posted by chris on Apr 25th, 2010 add a comment
follow me on twitterDon’t get fried pies at 2AM. Or at least don’t get two.
quote Posted by chris on Mar 23rd, 2010
Doctor, when can I eat hard cheeses again?
—Liz Lemon from an episode of 30 Rock (“Future Husband”)
I almost said these exact words. Recently, while taking antibiotics to combat an illness, the doctor ordered me to avoid two things: dairy and sunlight. No problem. Who needs dairy and sunlight? Besides well-balanced human beings who enjoy life and feel happiness.
But I like not being dead, so I follow directions. I shield myself from dairy and hide from the sun, hoping this is not how vampires are born. Occasionally, I crawl out of bed to eat. No butter. No cheese. No dairy of any kind. In the dark. A melange of medication for dessert. Tiramisu is played out, anyway.
This week, I finished the last of the antibiotics. Now, I can finish the last of the ice cream.
This blog post is dedicated to my dear friend, Jill. Most co-workers, friends and frenemies sent me traditional “get well” messages. But Jill threatened me on Facebook:
so, can I remove your blog from my RSS feed? because it hasn’t been updated in months. what, was your level of food snobbery not welcome in portland? have you started putting A1 on your well done filets?
Her kind words touched me in ways I can not describe. A cold day, devoid of sunlight was brightened by the warmth of this message. I credit my quick recovery to Jill’s boundless compassion. Fancypants Ivy League educated medical professionals will claim that prescription drugs and modern medicine are the real heroes, but I — and everyone reading this — knows the truth.
from twitter Posted by chris on Jan 3rd, 2010 5 comments
follow me on twitterDropped 185 bones on a steak dinner for my sister and mother. They both asked for well done filets. I died
a littleA LOT inside.
daily diet
Breakfast in silence
Posted by chris on Oct 21st, 2009 5 comments
Half chocolate half maple bar with buttercream filling from Tulip Pastry Shop in St. John’s neighborhood of Portland, Oregon.
I’ve had 2 of these in the past three days. But I walk 3 blocks to the bakery to get them. I think that evens it out. Plus, I have to walk 3 blocks back to my house. So after a few more donuts, I’ll probably be super buff and fit and practically a bodybuilder. I think that’s how it works. Shut up.
In my defense, this isn’t all I had for breakfast… I also got a slice of brandied pear & dark chocolate pie with candied ginger streusel from Random Order Coffeehouse & Bakery. It has… fruit… and… ginger, which as everyone knows, is much ballyhooed for its countless health benefits. Shut up.
review
Keep Portland Weird
Posted by chris on Oct 4th, 2009 1 comment
Lemon poppy cupcake with raspberry buttercream. Double-shot Americano. From Crema Bakery & Cafe in southeast Portland, Oregon.
The cafe
I love the layout of this cafe. Big, open, lots of windows and lots of hardwood.
The coffee
Their regular house coffee is from a french press. So it’s very strong. In fact, they provide hot water, right next to the coffee dispenser. Puny, weak mortals use this water to wuss-ify their drink. Can’t handle a french press? Get in the hot water line — with the other small-boned children.
The characters
A very intense guy started talking to me about how his ex-girlfriend was trying to kill him. That was the first thing he said to me.
After 2 minutes of him ironically ranting about crazy women, I tried to feign sudden hearing loss. I became engrossed in whatever was on my laptop screen and prayed for the girl sitting on the other side of me to bail me out. No luck. The guy topped off his one-sided conversation by inviting me to “team up” with him and fight strangers.
I had to decline, for I was in Portland on vacation and had to fly back home immediately. But after all this, for reasons beyond understanding, I moved to Portland... And no, it wasn’t to team up and fight strangers.
from twitter Posted by chris on Oct 4th, 2009 add a comment
follow me on twitterIt’s 3:40 AM. The coffee shops around here don’t open until 7 or 8. That’s like suitman businessman citizen hours.
from twitter Posted by chris on Oct 2nd, 2009 3 comments
follow me on twitter2009 Portland Baconfest. The troubling part is that it’s 21 and over. Eat bacon responsibly?
There will be live music, a 5-round bacon eating contest, a bacon dance off, a bacon confessional and a Guess-How-Many-Pieces-Of-Bacon-Are-In-The-Jar contest. I am not making this up.
review
Terribly good
Posted by chris on Sep 2nd, 2009 4 comments
Today’s breakfast: A buttermilk biscuit sandwich, filled with fried chicken, thick-cut bacon, cheddar cheese and a fried egg, topped with sausage gravy. All before 7:30 AM.
I’m wandering around Portland, Oregon this week, trying all the local eateries. This behemoth of a sandwich is known as The Reggie Deluxe and is available at Pine State Biscuits. If you’re searching for a meal that can simultaneously start and end your day, look no further.
Every component of this fork-and-knife sandwich is well-prepared. Biscuit? Freshly baked. Chicken? Crispy and moist. Bacon? Thick and chewy. All the individual ingredients come together to form this super sandwich (that requires super arteries, should you choose to eat the whole thing.)
I had to travel across state lines, but I finally found a morning meal that rivals the dangerous breakfast burrito from Rose’s Cafe. Thanks Pine State Biscuits!
