Lemon poppy cupcake with raspberry buttercream. Double-shot Americano. From Crema Bakery & Cafe in southeast Portland, Oregon.

The cafe

I love the layout of this cafe. Big, open, lots of windows and lots of hardwood.

The coffee

Their regular house coffee is from a french press. So it’s very strong. In fact, they provide hot water, right next to the coffee dispenser. Puny, weak mortals use this water to wuss-ify their drink. Can’t handle a french press? Get in the hot water line — with the other small-boned children.

The characters

A very intense guy started talking to me about how his ex-girlfriend was trying to kill him. That was the first thing he said to me.

After 2 minutes of him ironically ranting about crazy women, I tried to feign sudden hearing loss. I became engrossed in whatever was on my laptop screen and prayed for the girl sitting on the other side of me to bail me out. No luck. The guy topped off his one-sided conversation by inviting me to “team up” with him and fight strangers.

I had to decline, for I was in Portland on vacation and had to fly back home immediately. But after all this, for reasons beyond understanding, I moved to Portland... And no, it wasn’t to team up and fight strangers.

Today’s breakfast: A buttermilk biscuit sandwich, filled with fried chicken, thick-cut bacon, cheddar cheese and a fried egg, topped with sausage gravy. All before 7:30 AM.

I’m wandering around Portland, Oregon this week, trying all the local eateries. This behemoth of a sandwich is known as The Reggie Deluxe and is available at Pine State Biscuits. If you’re searching for a meal that can simultaneously start and end your day, look no further.

Every component of this fork-and-knife sandwich is well-prepared. Biscuit? Freshly baked. Chicken? Crispy and moist. Bacon? Thick and chewy. All the individual ingredients come together to form this super sandwich (that requires super arteries, should you choose to eat the whole thing.)

I had to travel across state lines, but I finally found a morning meal that rivals the dangerous breakfast burrito from Rose’s Cafe. Thanks Pine State Biscuits!

Eggs benedict: 3 poached eggs, smoked salmon, Hollandaise & caviar on top of an English muffin. Country potatoes. Fresh coffee.

Done.

• chris: I just paid $26 for eggs
• brian: Knowing you, it probably came with a side of fish from outer space. “Can you make sure the fish was orbiting a moon of Jupiter?”